Absurd Weight Savings

I've been spending too much brainpower lately thinking about all of the ridiculous optimizations I can make for this Sunday's hill climb time trial (HCTT). At about 181 lbs these days, I need every advantage I can get. Here are a few of my silly ideas.

• Weigh all of my rideable socks, and wear the lightest pair.
• Possibly forego the heart rate monitor.
• Weigh the skin suit, a jersey, and my shorts, and pick the lightest setup.
• Pin my number on with only four safety pins, and/or make a minimalist frame number.
• Remove water bottle cage bolts and headset top cap.
• Use my Zipp 404s (lightest wheels I have) with the lightest skewers I have.
• Remove springs from skewers.
  
• Fill tires with helium.
• Clean the bike - dirt is heavy.
  
• Forego sunglasses and gloves. (I don't use chammy cream, bit I would forego that, too.)
  
• Remove front derailleur and just rock the small ring (probably not happening).
• Diet aggressively this week to get the weight down.
• Warm up with too many layers to shed as much water weight as possible.
• Use lightest possible computer. Does the Quark work with the PowerTap head? It should.
• Use the Roubaix instead of the Aloha for the weekend? It might be lighter.

I don't think I'll do all of these, but I'm always thinking.